It was a sunny day and Emily and her friend Jack where
walking to the shop to get ice-creams because they where
hot. On there way home they where to busy walking and Jack
fell into a ditch he was OK but when he fell Emily heard a big
bang . So they decided to see what it was it was a big safe
Emily was so happy Jack thought it was peace of junk but
Emily was eager to see what was inside it. They tried to lift it
up but it was heavier the expected. But then jack noticed
something written at the back it was the numbers to get in
Emily tried it and it worked it open the door. We opened
slowly in case something popped out when they opened
there eyes glow up you wouldn’t believe what they found
The end by Niamh Fitzgerald
Niamh,
Your adventurers sure did get side-tracked from the ice cream shop! I can see why the heat no longer was getting to them as they found such a mysterious safe. I do wonder what was inside. Will you be writing a continuation?
Keep writing.
Mrs. G., Team 100, Guilderland, NY, USA
Well done on your story this week Niamh. I like how you ended your story on a cliff hanger! I really want to know what was in the safe. Be careful of mixing up words that sound the same to/too, were/where and there/their in your writing.
You have used some great vocabulary and describing words in your writing.
Keep up the great work.
Ms Brennock, Team 100 w/c